A heavy decision to make

Different people has different opinions and experience of love.
Some fell at first sight and really stayed so till death do them part...temporarily.
Some had a few wrong turns and finally ended in comfy zone forever.
Some really had it good till temptations fall in and the mirror cracked...forever.
Some just keep meeting the wrong ones and funnily how the one after the former just seem to get worse each time?
And of cos' some still have no idea yet.

I'm not here to discuss which catergory I belonged to and/or which people I know is which type.

Like almost most people down the streets, I think that love is a feeling, or at least the basic of love begins so...till someone wiser enlightened me with her story at the Today newpaper.(The 16 Feb 06 issue)

Page 20 under Voices isay.

"Don't buy into the facade of love"

(Now that I'm gonna be like a typist and type the whole freaking story down, you better peel your eyes and heart to READ!)

My friend told me she has dropped many hints to her husband to by flowers for
her for Valentine's Day. I suppose she believed it was the appropriate way
for
him to show that he still loves her.

When I was a teenager, I used to dream about walking down Orchard Road with a
big bunch of roses. BUt having once worked on Valentine's Day delivering
flowers
to lovestruck young girls all over Singapore, I have come to the
conclusion that
there is more to love than roses.

There was a man who ordered two bouquets: One for his mistress, and a bigger
one for his wife. I suppose he was hoping his wife would still believe that
he
loved her. ("Screw you, cretin!!" I say.)

Then there was this girl in America who ordered a box of chocolates for her
boyfriend in Singapore. My heart dropped when I delivered the chocolates to
his
house. The dinner table was set for two, complete with candles and
flowers - but
I knew that his dinner companion would not be the girl in
America.

Each February, men are reminderd to show how much they love their
girlfriensds or wives by buying them flowers, chocolates, diamonds - and of
course, the mandatory candlelight dinner. (Hmmm..I don't
belong here??)

How much of this expecation is shaped by advertising firms and retail
outlets? (Yea, damn you commercialisation!)

Thirty years ago, Valentine's Day was virtually undheard of in Singapore.
Nonetheless, men and women still fell in love - and stayed in love.

Now, I sense that women in Singapore are dictating how men should love them.
And more often than not, their demands for expressions of love are shaped by
women's magazines, which inundate them with suggestions on how to spend
Valentine's Day. (And none of the creativity
here.)

It has come to a point where some men expect payment in terms of sex after
spending so much money on an attractive lady. (that's
predictable though..) Thus , it is no surprise that men often use
words
of love to get sex, while women use sex to get words of love.

This could be a factor that has contributed to the rise in divorce rates in
Singapore. Woemn often define love as a feeling or as an attraction, and
choose
our life partners on this basis.

What happens when that feeling dies or changes, as all feelings will over
time? Do we change partners the way we do in a social dance?

Do we consistently search for the elusive high that we get each time we
fall in liove with someone?

After being married for 18 years, I have come to the conclusion that
love is not a feeling; it is a decision. (And
here
comes the crux)

There are days when I do not feel any love towards my husband, when I want to
tear his eyes out, and yes, sometimes I just want to walk out of this
marraige.

A few years ago, I met someone who swept me off my feet. He was different
from my husband in many ways, and I thought I had fallen in love again. I
was
attracted to the feeling of being wanted, of being at the centre of
someone
else's life.

I felt young again and I was tempted to walk out of my marraige. A few of my
friends supported my decision, as they felt that if there is no spark left
in a
marraige, it is all right to change one's partner.

But on a closer reflection, I realised I had only fallen in lust. I realised
that the feeling I had would disappear with this new-found-love over time -
just
as the similar feeling I experienced when I first fell in love with my
husband
had eventually faded.

What did I do with this emotion? Iconfessed to my husband. I knew that he had
accepted me for bnetter or for worse - and this was one of my worst
moments.

I knew that only by coming clean would we be able to continue with this
relationship. He accepted me as I am, knowing that as a woman I could feel
for
other men, yet he showed that he can trust me with my emotions.

Throught this experience, both of us were reminded once again that love is
not a feeling but a constant decision that we make. Love demands that we choose each other constantly despite coming
across alternatives.

This Valentine's Day, I chose to buy a gift for my husband. I had not bought
him a gift in a very long time as I could never find anything suitable.

I seldom feel guilty for not buying him a gift for Chirstmas or for
Valentine's Day; I would never buy a gift just because some article in a
woman's
magazine told me to. Neither would I buy one because my girlfriends
have bought
one for their beloved.

I chose to do so because I knew that the gift would bring a smile to his face
and joy to his heart. More importantly, I do not expect a gift in
return.

Shouldn't we all understand the ghist of LOVE?